I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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