Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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