Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
