Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
