end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
