What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
