sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
