I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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