Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
