I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize