You're my little dorito
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
