I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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