Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hippo gnu deer
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
