3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize