Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He felt like a one man threesome
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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