My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
