decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
