i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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