i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize