In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
