I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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