No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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