I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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