whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize