awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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