NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
