wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
