There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize