I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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