MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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