maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
