May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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