apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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