He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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