I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
