I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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