i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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