You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
