You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
