from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
