where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
