she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
