Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
