If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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