Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
