Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
