Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
