I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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