the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
