I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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