my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
