careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
