man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
