Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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