Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
