omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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