the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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