he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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