Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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