I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
